Love and Dating

By Pamela Rose Williams

You might at first glance think this article has nothing of interest for you because you are neither dating nor married. I think you should look again, because love is something that we all need, in all relationships.

What is Love? 

“I love you!” Do you ever think this is an overused phrase? Have you heard people say it that have only just met, or known one another for a short time? Husbands and wives say it to each other. Parents say it to their children. Teenagers say it to their best friends. We say it to our siblings, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and church family. We even tell our pets that we love them! Some say love is a feeling; an emotion – or even a “second-hand emotion” as one popular song that was released in 1984 might suggest.  

I want to challenge you to look at it another way. Look at it the way that only God could have designed. He is the best example of love that we could ever want or need. We can see it in one simple verse that so many of us have memorized: 

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 

When we really think about this verse, we can get the entire definition of “love” from just the first few words …” For God so love the world, that he gave”. STOP! God did not have an emotion nor a feeling, He offered an action – He gave! Our Father in heaven was not feeling a warm fuzzy when He gave His most beloved Son to die that cruel death on the cross at Calvary, He was “doing” it because He wanted to redeem us back to Him for all eternity. His affection for us is so great that He offered the most precious thing that he had, His only begotten Son. He gave His most prized possession. And throughout the Bible we see time and time again how He pours out His love for us through His thoughts, words, and deeds. So, when we “love” someone we must be willing to “do something”. Yes, I do believe we “fall in love” with someone and that is emotional, but that love that endures is an action. It is how we display our love that gets us through all human relationships. And when God gives us the person that will be our spouse for life, He demonstrates His love by encouraging us how to love. And it starts with dating. 

Some of God’s Examples of What to Remember When Dating 

The word “dating” cannot be found in the Bible, however, God has much to say about our relationships and what we need to consider as our foundation so that we might have a healthy, long-lasting marriage and other relationships. Here are some things that I have found, I encourage you to find even more in your Bible: 

1. As a believer and Christ-follower, God must come first in all our relationships. So even though we are encouraged to love one another, when anyone or anything is the most important thing in our life, more important than our relationship with God, there is a danger of them becoming an idol. God needs to be present in your daily life and as you learn to love others, He will give you the wisdom to do it the way that pleases Him. (Exodus 20, Matthew 10:34, James 1:5) 

2. As you trust in the Lord as your matchmaker, date with the intention of accepting the person whom God plans for you to marry. Date only other people who believe like you do. God tells us that we should not be “unequally yoked” which today might be hard to understand. Back in the day when Paul was teaching, he used this analogy because the Old Testament warned against yoking an ox with a donkey (Deuteronomy 22:10). Also, we see warnings of breeding different kinds of animals in Leviticus 19:19. Yoking animals together is how farmers used animals to plow fields. They knew that putting an ox with a donkey would make it very difficult to plow because they will generally not work evenly together, and the farmer would spend more time dealing with the animals than plowing the field. When Paul speaks of this “unequally yoked” concept in 2 Corinthians 6 he is speaking of marriage. In a marriage two people need to be in agreement as to how they are to live their lives. When one is a believer and one is a nonbeliever, hardships will occur because they will not agree on the matters of life (they won’t pull the load equally) and life’s journey will be difficult. 

3. Sexual relations are to be reserved for marriage. To participate in it before you are married goes against God’s plan. As a believer you can count on the Holy Spirit to help you resist the urge to go beyond the boundaries of dating, even if it means you need a continual chaperone when necessary. Genuine relationships will endure temptation and find ways to avoid it.  (1 Corinthians 6:9-18, 2 Timothy 2:22) 

4. Know that loving someone whom you are dating as a perspective God-given mate means that their needs come before your own. Again, love God first but then learn about what makes your perspective mate tick. Find out what they prefer and what they do not prefer. Give them your attention when they need it. Give them your time when they ask for it. Give them a romantic evening for no reason at all, other than you are demonstrating your love for them. Give them some space when desired. Give them honesty and faithfulness. Do for them, esteem them better than yourself. (Philippians 2:1-4) 

5. Your careful decisions on how to date now can lead to that “one-flesh” relationship later that God designed to be permanent (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5). 

Walk in the Spirit and Love Comes Naturally 

In the Bible I find at least 15 times that we are told to “love” one another. Can you find more? But let’s just admit it, sometimes it is hard to love someone and so we believe we can just “not love them anymore”. So how do we get beyond this?  

When you are a believer, you have the Holy Spirit inside of you and He stays with you until Jesus comes to take you home to heaven (Ephesians 1:12-14). As the Holy Spirit dwells in you, His fruit should become active in your life. Part of that fruit is “love” (Galatians 5:22). Listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and choosing to do what He says is called “Walking in the Spirit” and at this point His fruit and what we do with it comes naturally. And as we have been discussing, love is an action, so to love someone means we demonstrate it by what we do for them. Here are some practical ways to love anyone and help to build good and lasting relationships: 

• Pray for her/him 
• Be humble 
• Be kind 
• Serve them 
• Don’t argue – have discussions and look for solutions 
• Forgive them 
• Have a positive attitude 
• Speak the truth 
• Encourage them 
• Respect boundaries and preserve what is for marriage, for marriage 
• Just be there to listen – sometimes you don’t need to be the fixer 

So, what about love? If we don’t have love, we will live in a selfish world. If we don’t have love, no one would do anything! In the King James Version of the Bible, the great love chapter (1 Corinthians 13), “charity” is the word used for love. Charity is the greatest gift of unselfishness. Charity is giving. If God did not give us His only begotten son, we would be nothing. Why do we love God? Because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Love is essential and it is something that we all need!

Things to Think on and do:

1. Give at least one example from the Bible of someone who demonstrated incredible love (other than Jesus).
2. The next time you say, “I love you”, consider if you are putting your love in action or if you are using empty words.
3. Do a random act of kindness today to put some action to your love.